‘Racist’ is the new ‘doody head.’ It’s overused. Overplayed. It doesn’t zing as much as it used to because it’s used out the wazoo. And guess what? White Liberals are the people who throw it around the most…I think Black people sometimes look up at a racist and just shake their head and walk away and go ‘I know this tired story, I’m moving on…’ White Liberals are the ones who camp out on it like they’re champions of the world, and it’s getting a little tired.
Hey. You see this guy who showed up at Walmart with a million dollar bill to pay for $476 worth of items? They caught him because they told him he was still $.08 short because of our devalued currency.
Rough week in the stock market, huh? An absolute bloodbath. It’s what they call a ‘bear market.’ For those of you not familiar with the terminology of the marketplace, let me lay it out for you: a bear market is where I look at the current value of my personal portfolio, and then I immediately run out into the middle of the woods and shit myself.
— Dennis Miller on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 8/5/2011.
I feel sorry for the homeless guy. I feel really sorry for his dog, though, ‘cause you know the dog’s thinking ‘This is the longest walk ever.’
‘Does this thing have a payoff, pal? ‘Cause I could do this on my own. Really. Thanks for the leash.’
— Norm MacDonald
“Perhaps the greatest joke ever written.” — Dennis Miller
Listen to a whole hour of Dennis rap with comedic geniuses Norm MacDonald and Jason Sudeikis from Thursday’s show here.
Part of Dennis’s two weeks of guests from the cast of Saturday Night Live, past and present. It’s been really enjoyable. See the list of guests and check out some clips on http://www.dennismillerradio.com
Norm kills me every time.
Helen Hunt: still tremendously funny as the kid on ‘Two and a Half Men.’
Dennis Miller, February 14, 2011
And the crowd goes nuts in the Cairo streets as Hosni Mubarak has just stepped down. Finally. This guy’s like Brett Favre in a fez. Anyway, he stepped down…and just texted me a photo of his genitalia.
Dennis Miller, February 11, 2011
I don’t trust the Jets kicker, that Nick Folk…he looks shaky to me. And you’d think Rex would have an eye for a good foot…
Dennis Miller gives his NFL playoff picks, January 19, 2010.
I don’t want to say that Chinese currency is artificially inflated, but they just replaced the picture of Mao on the money with Barry Bonds.
Comedian Nick DiPaolo on The Dennis Miller Show January 18, 2011 RE: this.
See Nick in a town near you. (He’s in NYC at Gotham Comedy Club this weekend).
Find Nick on the web
@NickDiPaolo on Twitter
On Facebook
On YouTube
Previously on Nick
Interview with comedian, actor, author, musician and true Renaissance Man Steve Martin on The Dennis Miller Show, October 19, 2010. Martin, who has returned to the stage with a new bluegrass music act, which is equal parts song and comedy, talked about how happy he is bringing the best of both worlds together in his live performances. In this hilarious clip, Dennis recalls one of his favorite moments from Martin’s recent performance in Santa Barbara where they “had to pull him out of the aisle, he was laughing so hard,” and Martin gives him the set-up from the bit.
Martin, on his relationship with his touring band and the funny dynamic they play off of regularly during the show:
As you can tell, we’ve developed this really good rapport. I think we have a good camaraderie offstage, and onstage, we have just kind of a funny relationship, ‘cause I’m like the Hollywood egotist and they’re the down home, sweet North Carolina guys…
This particular set-up, on how bluegrass music comes from the travails of the day:
I try to write songs that are based on personal experience…This next song is called “Uh Oh, I Think My Masseuse Is Too Chatty.”
Maybe the funniest line I’ve heard all year. I think I fell down in the street the first time I heard it back in October. People must have thought I was nuts. No one better.
Listen to the whole interview for a good laugh.
Follow Steve Martin on the web: http://www.stevemartin.com
And on Twitter: @SteveMartinToGo (one of my favorite follows)
SELF-REBLOG - BRILLIANT SUGGESTION RE: The 1,200 limos and 140 private planes at the Copenhagen climate conference
Reblogging in light of the circle-jerk going on this week and next.
Just substitute Copenhagen for Cancun.
Read the last bit.
In advance:
RE: The 1,200 limos:
Majken Friss Jorgensen, managing director of Copenhagen’s biggest limousine company, said her company hasn’t enough limos in the country to fulfill the demand of the conference attendees. “We’re having to drive them in hundreds of miles from Germany and Sweden.”And the total number of electric cars or hybrids among that number? “Five,” says Ms Jorgensen.Tick, tick, tock goes the carbon footprint clock…
RE: The 140 private planes:
The airport says it is expecting up to 140 extra private jets during the peak period alone, so far over its capacity that the planes will have to fly off to regional airports – or to Sweden – to park, returning to Copenhagen to pick up their VIP passengers.Tick, tock, tick, tock…
Phelim McAleer, Irish journalist and director and producer of ‘Not Evil Just Wrong,’ suggested the following in an interview on Dennis Miller’s radio show the other day:
“Isn’t Al Gore on the board of Apple? (Ed. - He also invented the internet). Why don’t they utilize a really good video conferencing facility for these conferences so that the people don’t have to travel?”BRILLIANT, right? It could be state-of-the-art. The whole contingency hooked up to it. Stream the whole thing on YouTube. Gains major PR points. The message could be “Look, we’re so serious about this, we’re not even going to travel to it anymore” (nor generate carbon emissions equivalent to the annual output of over half a million Ethiopians).
Dennis: “We’ve got a problem on our hand when people are doing that and they’ll look you right in the eye and say ‘We have to do that because we have to confront the problem’ and then you say ‘That is the problem,’ and they don’t get that. They just go blank on you.
