Speaking of hilarious old people…
This one comes courtesy of my best friend’s Grandmother (may she rest in peace).
His mother had gone down to visit her in Florida. They went out to dinner one night. His mother ordered a glass of white wine. The following exchange ensued:
Grandmother: “Let me try a sip of your wine.”
Mother: “You won’t like it. It’s a little dry.”
Grandmother: “Don’t worry. I’ll add a Sweet’N Low.”
Generations probably spent perfecting that vintage.
The vintner must have rolled in his grave.
I’ve always wanted to send this one on to Neil Simon. I think he could craft an entire character around this line, if not an entire play.
We went to visit my Grandmother last weekend. The following exchange ensued:
Grandma: “I’ve got a beautiful dining room table for you. It seats 14. It was very expensive.”
Grandma’s Boyfriend: “Didn’t you hear what they said? They’re moving into a small apartment.”
Grandma: “Ahhh…What do you know?”
Grandma’s Boyfriend: “They don’t want it! It won’t fit!”
Grandma: “They’ll be sorry…”
And The Lady and I decided that we CAN’T WAIT to grow old together.
President Obama on “Obamacare.” (via kileyrae)
Jesus Christ, Tumblr. 2,000+ notes for that?
President Ned Flanders, everyone:
Well, tippety-top of the A.M. to every-good-body here. As chairman of the PTA, I am de-diddley-lighted to take over here and I think I can put the “pal” back in “principal!”